The last time I wrote a blog post, it was approximately 5 a.m. and I was cozied up in bed with a fever and couldn’t fall asleep (update: I’m all better now). Today, it’s about 5 p.m. and I just spent the last 30-or-so minutes in bed trying to fall asleep but feeling haunted by the lingering image of the monster that is my to-do list. It feels like all those times I just couldn’t reach for the extra cookie because I knew I didn’t go to the gym that week. Thankful for this discipline but boy is it frustrating sometimes..
I had two exams this week and have a paper due on Friday, which I need to start like, now. I told myself that if I finish writing my paper by 12 p.m. on Friday, I will buy myself a fruit smoothie and I really really really want that smoothie. The exams went well though, alhamdulillah. I have another exam next week which I’m quite nervous about because I’ve never taken a political science class or write an essay on the kinds of things we learn in that class. But as I was thinking about that today, I suddenly recalled feeling the same way for the literature class I took last semester. English literature is so not the kind of class I usually take, and it was not something I had much expertise in. I mean, we only read abridged versions of “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” and “Phantom of the Opera” throughout the 3 years we prepared for PMR, and then suddenly I had to read 9 whole books and a whole bunch of other supplementary reading in 15 weeks. I was really scared to write an essay for that exam but I did alright–definitely was not an amazing grade, but I was proud of myself for trying something new and interesting and not being ashamed to struggle for it. I guess all of this kind of gave me peace of mind, because I know I have surprised myself with scary oh-my-god-how-am-I-ever-gonna-get-past-this challenges before and loved it, so I know I can do it again (guys, it’s been a while since I’ve had faith in myself like this, it’s so rare and I’m rather pleased).
Highlight of the week: other than making it out of my exams more-than-alive, I am now the proud owner of two plants! I’ve been planning to get a plant for about a year now, but today, between classes, I walked past the farmers market, saw a really lovely selection of cute little potted plants, and in the spur of the moment, made my one-year-dream come true. It’s only been a brief 3 hours with my babies, but I love having a living thing around that doesn’t talk or make voluntary movements, you know? Is that weird? Oh well, it’s true.
Today, I still have to attend a meeting, read 2 chapters for a class, outline my 6-page paper and cook…. and there’s only about 6 hours left to the day. It’s really annoying to always feel like I must do everything (and do it well), but I think this is what it feels like to be pushing myself healthily and I’m just going to confront this discomfort by going through it. *cringe* Baby steps! The next time you hear from me insha-Allah it will be ~fall break~, all I’m currently worried about will be behind me, it will be amazing and I can’t wait.