Last Saturday, I realised I had a little bit of linguine, whipping cream and parmesan cheese left. So I made pasta!
I’m not the best cook. In fact, I’m not a very good cook at all. I just make things I like to the point they’re good enough for me to eat. I would probably get endless heart palpitations if I were to cook for a dinner party or something like that because (so far in my life, anyway) cooking has just always been something I do just for myself, just for fun.
With that said though, I love it. I love cooking and cleaning. I feel so alive, so at ease and so myself when I’m doing it. I still don’t know if the way I chop onions is the right way to do it or not. I don’t know if the amount of heat I use to make my omelettes is correct or not (actually, I know that it’s probably not, because 3 out of 5 times, they’re slightly burnt and/or undercooked). I still don’t know if I’m cutting the chicken properly..
But cooking makes me feel so many things. Firstly, it invites me to believe, once in a while, that I have what it takes to take care of myself and to be self-sufficient. Even if the food I make isn’t amazing, I know how to feed myself healthy wholesome meals. Even if it’s just one thing in my life I can do, it’s the one thing that truly makes me believe I will be okay.
The best part is feeling like I can just wing it. Like I said, I never really know what I’m doing–I have no recipes and I barely follow the ones I find because winging it is so much fun. I like learning that I can get by knowing the core principles of how something works and I enjoy the process of getting comfortable with improvising without making everything perfect. A lot of times in life, I try to control as much of a situation as possible and come up with plans and backup plans and more backup plans so that I get the outcome I want. Cooking kinda just teaches me to let go of that. Sure, nothing I cook is really consistent or life-changing but I still enjoy everything I make because I experimented, I gave it my best and it’s unique and special.
IT’S JUST LIKE LIFE, YOU GUYS. (I love metaphors so much that I can make scrambled eggs and turn it into a life lesson.)
Also, it’s such a great way to unwind. I find it really easy to be present when I’m cooking. Like for example, in class, it’s so easy for my mind to drift off and start thinking about the other 5 billion things we Penn kids worry and stress out about because nothing happens when you do that, the professor will just go on talking, the class doesn’t fall to pieces because you aren’t paying attention. But with cooking, I am forced to be there and I feel super ~in the moment~ because if I let my mind drift away or whatever, there goes my food..
Ok this is probably the cheesiest thing I’ve ever put on here (and not just because that pasta I made had like 2 fistfuls of cheese in it) and I can’t believe I dedicated like, 600 words to talking about my pasta-cooking thoughts.. but I just felt so happy cooking last weekend that it made me want to share this, haha.
It’s a Tuesday night as I write this and I’m chilling on my couch with Hanna after having dinner; she just braided my hair like my sisters usually do.
Hanna was a junior at Penn when I was a freshman and she really made me feel welcomed here. It’s crazy to think that I’m now a junior and the freshmen I know now are to me like I once was to her. Right now she’s working at this radiation oncology lab here so it’s really nice how even though she graduated last year, I still get to see her from time to time. She’s such a lovely person and she always seems genuinely happy to see how I’ve grown throughout my few years here and honestly, she has been such a huge part of it because of how supportive she is. Hanna makes me feel like I have family here and I’m so grateful for that.
Anyway, it’s a busy week and I just typed this in like 10 minutes so I apologise for typos or grammatical errors because I didn’t proof read this *closed-eyed monkey emoji* and I’m back to work now!
Talk to you guys again next week 🙂